and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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