Only a mothe r could love this liver
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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