Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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