Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
