i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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