I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
