bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
