I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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