Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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