Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
