What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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