Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
