I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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