Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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