apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
