I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
