So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
