Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
