did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize