Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
