No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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