so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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