Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
