my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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