No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
