so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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