remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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