She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
