i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
