my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
