You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
