I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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