You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
