you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
