Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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