Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
