Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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