wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
