its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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