So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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