You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
