ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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