Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
