Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
