he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
