Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Randomize
