she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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