fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
