So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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