I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
