i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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