awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
