dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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