What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
