but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
