dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
