sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
