She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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