you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
