Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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