I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
God I need to hump something, right now.
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