How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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