She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
