if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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