why didn't you poke me back
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
