i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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