You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
