Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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