I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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