Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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