tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Someone signed my nipple.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
