in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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