I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
