How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
