what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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