it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
