i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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