he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
